USA - random ramblings

A couple of things I've left out when I've been striving to keep the word count from sending you, the reader, scrambling for porn or some other quicker fix on the internet.  Like a watermelon catapulting into a woman's face or a fresh joke on sickipedia.

 



Hey Marco!


1. Before we went into downtown Phoenix to see soem live music one of the funniest things ever happened:  Mark2 fell asleep on the couch.  With his mouth open.  Mark1 dressed up (er, down?) like a stripper cowboy and put a small frozen sausage in his mouth.  He suckled at the icy teat for what seemed like an eternity, maybe half a second, then rejected the frigid pork and said, "What is that?  It's cold."  No shit Marco...
2. When we walked into the bar on the first night in LA, some leather-waistcoated staff member said he recognised Mark2.  He looked a bit Mexican.  For the remainder of the holiday Mark2 and I very often imitated this guy appearing randomly at events through Mark's life and saying: "Hey Marco!  My friend, I've not seen you in a long time..."  By the time we had him appearing as a surprise Best Man, telling inappropriate jokes the rest of the gang wanted to gouge our eyes out with frozen sausages.  That didn't stop us...
3. Leaving this bar in LA there was a massive bouncer, giving out free cups of hot chocolate.  Mark2 and I couldn't believe our luck!  It was the funniest thing since "Hey Marco..."  We also impersonated this guy as a pusher saying. "Hey man, you want some Hooot Chocolate?  I poured it myself."  The group got so bored of this they considered burning our eyes out with orange flavoured hot chocolate (citrus stings the wound).  But, to be fair, we did alternate these two acts.
4. Gatorade's biggest fan.  On the way out of LA a guy crossed the road in front of us.  He stopped, slung his jacket over his shoulder, poured some cool, invigorating Gatorade down his woolly throat - aaaaahhh, then flicked his hair back and stood and nodded contentedly.  Good Gatorade.  He then leather coat slung, rinsed and repeated.  It was like an advert.  We all just looked at each other and nodded.  without a word being spoken agreed we should each buy him a bottle of the sweet elixir.  But when we got back with the bounty, he was gone.  He just wanted us to taste life as he did.  What a guy, what a drink.  Hangovers be damned.
5. The hotel in LA had an iPod docking station!  What an iPhone-tastic piece of news for us. Meant I was free to listen to John Farnham while getting ready to have my mumbly voice heard in Hollywood.
6. Daytime in LA was holiday temperature, hot enough to melt Katie Price's face.  But night-time was perfectly mild.  Cold in fact.  I regretted not taking a jacket, but felt safe in the knowledege that I wouldn't drown my jeans in sweat.
7. I want to move to LA and walk everywhere.  I'll gain a cult following.  They'll say, "Hey, there's that walkie-jocky!  Hey walking guy!  You suck!"  I'll enjoy my notoriety, I'm a bit of a weirdo anyway.  Then I'll be institutionalised for being TOO weird.  Like that guy Ray Brdabury wrote about.
8. A beautiful friendship with Mark2 was spawned poolside early in the holiday when we spotted evil mastermind "The Black Toenail" flip-flopping round the water's edge.  Appearances of the malevolent foot were milked more than a twenty-year-old Fresia by Mark and me.