USA chapter four, the one where the gang pop guns

Before I type any more, I'm going to introduce you to the pesky kids embroiled in these adventures:

Steven (Me)
Mark 1
Angus
Lynsey (sister of Mark 1)
Mark 2 (boyfriend of Lynsey)
Katrina (sister of Mark 2)
Martin (Katrina's boyfriend)

In Arizona we stayed with and visited the amazing family of Mark 1 and Lynsey

After the Grand Canyon I decided to repay my body some overdue sleeping deficits. 

The next day I arose bright and early headed out for burritos and coffee.  With coffee and eggs swilling in my belly I prepared for the day's activities - heading out into the desert and shooting vagrants. 

Okay, it wasn't vagrants - it was cans and bottles and targets we popped caps in.

Preparation for heading into the desert means wearing long trousers to protect your legs from scorpion stings and rattlesnake bites.  It's the ABCs of life:

Apple Jacks for breakfast
Brush your teeth to defend against evil DK and his cavity-causing armies
Cover your legs to protect against assorted venoms

Me being protective of my clothing though, I opted not to go with a pair of my good jeans and instead donned a pair of 3/4 length black trousers and football socks pulled up to ward off Sammy Snake and Sidney Scorpion.  One look at my modified, sporty armour and they'd be off to the hills looking for a less well-prepared target.

Like a breakfast steak with two over-easy eggs on top.  Human race - 1, creatures - 0.

Firing guns was a lot more fun than I thought.  Once you get over the loud noises they make.  It's like Ian Paisley singing karaoke when the various weapons start discharging at the targets.

For my part I destroyed three plastic bottles and hit my target three times.  I'm no T-800 but I'm no Filip Sebo either, when I got a feel for it I took my enemies down.

Sadly for Mark 2 though, shooting games revealed why we kept getting a wet bum when sitting on the toilet seat - with six shots he couldn't hit the target once.

Mark 2: less hits than Victoria Beckham

After some lunch and a dip in the pool we got dressed up and headed into Phoenix to see some live music in a bar which I can best describe as resembling Dumbo's bedroom.

On every table was a huge bucket of monkey nuts and on the floor were thousands of discarded monkey nut shells. 

The first band were usual live music fayre - all the excitement of chewing monkey nut shells.  The second band were better, and amused me as the bassist had a face which reminded me of Richard from the game Guess Who?  Completely bald head with a thick brown beard running along his chin.  Plus he could only meet questions with a 'yes' or 'no' response.

On the following day, Sunday 3 October, we hit the gym first thing in the morning, splashed in the pool and then set off for a barbecue/pool party.

Before heading to the party we spent $200 on cocktail ingredients.

At the party the locals mostly stayed away from the pool as it was a freezing 85 degrees.  Nothing could stop the Scottish invasion though as we donned our swim shorts and splashed for William Wallace, John Logie Baird and Jimmy Krankie.

Two notable things happened at the party:

1.  Mark 2 proposed to Lynsey, she said yes
2.  I got a bit confused making three gin slings (six shots of gin, three each of sugar water and lime juice) and ended up with a suicide rummer (six shots of rum, one shot each of sugar water and lime juice).  Many innocent brain cells were lost to this drink.

Okay, that's another two days and with that I'm out, like M. Night Shyamalan twists.

*disclaimer, no vagrants were harmed for the purposes of this blog